addiction

Here is a list of things I may be addicted to:

• popcorn

I seem to need to make and eat popcorn about 4 times a week. This seems excessive, and it's having an adverse effect on my gums. The tough bits of the kernels get stuck in my teeth something fierce.

• checking my email

First thing in the morning, last thing at night. And every five minutes in between. I get nervous when I'm away from a terminal for more than 20 minutes, and I'm always sure something good is about to arrive.

• wool

Here it is mid-June, and I'm still trying to justify wearing wool socks and sweaters. "Well, it might get cold tonight."

• Slurpees

This is kind of a stretch, but I have had slurpees six times in the last month, and that's probably more than I've had in the entire rest of my life combined. Maybe I can endure life without them, but I don't really want to try.

• hot dogs

I have to work pretty hard at holding myself to four a week. It doesn't help that they're so freaking good, and the hot dog stand is just at the end of my block.

Here is a list of things I could be addicted to, if I put my mind to it:

• beer

Let's say I wasn't broke. Or let's say I was from a beer-making or distributing family. Then I would have both motive and opportunity to drink a whole bunch of beer every night. See saloonist.

• Fla-Vor-Ice

Last summer, I probably consumed upwards of 10 (bars? packets? tubes?) units of Fla-Vor-Ice daily. This summer, I would be doing the same thing, except I haven't gotten around to buying and freezing the frosty treat yet.

• cheese

I could live on cheese, if only I wouldn't die of malnutrition or heart attack or something.

• eggs

Same with eggs.

Here is a list of things I'm for sure not addicted to:

• smoking

Smoking looks cool, but I understand that it might be unhealthy. I would really have to set my mind to actually breathing in the noxious fumes if I wanted to develop an addiction.

• sex

I remarked to Bob the other day that being interested in someone for sexual reasons is like being interested in climbing Mt. Everest for aching muscles and being short-of-breath reasons.

• work

I can go days, even weeks, without doing anything for pay.

• swimming

I can't remember the last time I was in a body of water.

• doing dishes

Yeah, I can take or leave this.