UPS left me a mysterious notice last week: two packages, each weighing 1.3 pounds, were coming to me from Minnesota. What could they be? No theory seemed plausible. Turns out they were new mobile phones, a “generous” gift of AT&T wireless.

The story is that AT&T is changing their GSM network from 1900 MHz to 850/1900 MHz (or maybe just 850 MHz, depending on how closely your tin-foil hat is fitted), and the phone I’ve been living with for the past year or so, a Sony Ericsson T68i named “topato”, is now deprecated. So AT&T sent me two new phones (one for each of my lines, which I share with the ladyfriend) — two free “upgrades”. The catch: these phones aren’t really upgrades. There’s been some chatter about this on the blogs, but not on blogs I read. (I guess the DNC hasn’t released a statement on this situation yet).

Anyway, this was the last straw with me and AT&T. So we took our two T68i, our two “NEW! FREE! UPGRADE!” phones, and went to a wireless dealer recommended by a friend. Okay, we went to Hot Doug’s first, and then I got a haircut. But we got new phones, switched to T-Mobile (sorry, Joan, but she’s hotter), and now I have one of those futurephones Warren Ellis is always nattering on about. (This one is named Téodor.) Watch for two T68i and one T226, coming soon to Ebay!

Larry Lessig tells the story of how he lost the Eldred case. What if he’s right? How do you live everyday feeling this way?

This case could have been won. It should have been won. And no matter how hard I try to retell this story to myself, I can’t help believing that my own mistake lost it.

Via Tapped, a great letter [pdf format] that Rep. John Dingell (D-Mich) sends the chairman of the president’s Council of Economic Advisers. I’m thrilled beyond belief that it was prepared and mailed at taxpayer expense. More of my tax dollars should go to awesome things like this.

I used to read Adbusters, back when it was fashionable, but I haven’t peeked at it for the longest time. There’s only so much bad news I can take. Canadians lecturing me about USAian culture is also a little grating after a while. And the whole cult of asceticism just bothered me. As if the world could be saved if we’d all just view every one of our economic interactions as a moral choice.

This latest thing they’re doing, publishing “a carefully researched list of who appear to be the 50 most influential neocons in the US” and then labeling which ones are Jewish, just smacks of stupidity. Who are they trying to convince, and what are they trying to convince them of?

Have you heard of the latest outrage perpetrated by the electricity special-interests? They’re promoting these “electric lamps” — can you believe it? Everyone knows that a lamp involves burning a wick to produce light. But next on the radical electrical agenda is getting America to accept non-burning elements in our lamps.

This is just not in line with over 10,000 years of tradition. How can we accept something without a wick as a lamp? It’s preposterous! Nothing in our constitution says anything about wickless lamps. Our Founding Fathers never considered electric lamps. Nothing in the Bible supports calling a non-burning device a lamp. Electric lamps fly in the face of everything we as Americans hold near and dear.

Some will point out that until recently, we didn’t have gas lamps, and that gas lamps don’t have wicks. To these nit-pickers I say, gas lamps are obviously lamps because they use good old-fashioned combustion to produce light. Combustion was good enough for my grandparents, and it’s good enough for my children. What will my impressionable youngsters think if they see someone using one of these new “incandescent” lamps? Why, I just wouldn’t know what to tell them. How could I explain it to them?

I hope you’ll write your congressman soon and support me in my drive to amend our Constitution to forbid these wickless, smokeless, horrifyingly flame-free lamps. Some states may want to enact “lighting device” legislation, but it’s clear that if we don’t stop this radical movement now, we may soon end up with streets full of fluorescent lamps and a sickening neon glow on every corner. I can’t imagine anything more disgusting.